John wesley and blessie marriage



's desire for intimacy with Susanna appears sharply outlined in an exchange of letters between her when was a student at Oxford In one letter Susanna noting that has signed his previous letter with the phrase "Your affectionate dutiful Son," warns him chillingly: "The conclusion of your letter is very kind That you were ever dutiful I very well know But I know myself enough to rest satisfied with a moderate degree of your affection It would be unjust in me to desire the love of anyone." The stung replies : It is clear from its context that compiled the Last Love manuscript from material composed at different times during after the Grace Murray romance We'll examine each of the different compositions within the manuscript so as to build a picture of the context in which 's dream occurred The Last Love MS-First Section The first section was evidently composed after 's courtship had finally disintegrated Grace Murray had married Bennet It appears to be taken from 's recollection his journal This section recalls the first stages of 's engagement. Загрузка Solomon M (1980) Beethoven London: Granada Southey R (1820) The Life of London: Longman Hurst Tyerman L (1872) The Life Times of The Rev M.A New York: Harper & Brothers Stone L (1979) The Family Sex in Engl 1500-1800 New York: Harper Torchbooks Winchester C T (1922) The Life of New York: MacMillan     The conflict exhibited in the Grace Murray episode was far from over Three years later married Molly Vazeille under circumstances already referred to Probably not by accident he fell at that point into a marital situation which was aptly described by him in his advice to young preachers a little over a month after his : "They who have wives {should} be as though they had none." (Ma) Given his unresolved earlier conflicts could not have had the happy for which he said he longed It would have required a major resolution of his oedipal struggle 's succeeded in only dampening the fires of that struggle while leaving the struggle itself intact-a situation with unmistakably important implications for the historical reputation of 's wife. Ayling S (1979) New York: Collins Baker F (1980) Letters I Oxford: Clarendon Press Baker F (1982) Letters II Oxford: Clarendon Press Baker F (Oct 1967) 's First London Quarterly & Holburn Review 192(3) 305-315 Clarke A (1848) Memoirs of the Family (2nd ed.) New York: Lane Tippett Curnock N (1909-1916) The Journal of the Rev A.M London: Charles H Kelley Edwards M (1975) My Dear Sister the Story of the Women in His Life Leeds: Penwork Ltd Fowler J W (1985) an Spirituality Faith Development In D M a B Beck (Ed.) Theology in the an Tradition Nashville: Abington Gill F C (1956) Selected Letters of London: The Epworth Press, The evidence is that Molly made her first husb Anthony Vazeille a good wife was a good mother to her children.+ The sad portrait she has made in the frame of her famous second husb's life may well have been the result of 's contradictory needs as much as her psychological frailties 's biographers frequently remark that it was better for 's work that he didn't get along with Molly; almost everyone agrees that as far as his evangelical mission went his wife was irrelevant But she was perhaps not entirely irrelevant Since she was evidently the participant to some extent the victim of a very important unresolved conflict in 's complicated psyche. At Hindley Hill heard that his brother Charles had taken Grace Murray away he lapsed into resignation For the next two days however he was again in turmoil (Leger p 83) Finally the turmoil overcame the resignation he set out after her He describes the journey in what amounts to a metaphor of his internal conflict: "The Storm was full in my face & exceedingly high so that I had much difficulty to sit my Horse: Particularly as I was riding over ye broad bare backs of those enormous Mountains." doesn't specifically tell his readers that he's talking about a storm of weather Perhaps because he isn't The storm the ride fraught with conflictual sexual images ("riding over ye broad bare backs") is as much about his unconscious activity as it is about his passage across the lscape. Загрузка Загрузка Загрузка The resignation expresses in the dream may have originated in his unrecognized emotional needs The rigid structure of the superego which Susanna instilled in him became split off from those more spontaneous emotional longings As a consequence the dream is both an expression concealment of the spontaneous uncontrollable parts of 's self such as his fear of his uncontrolled or "burning" sexuality He is unable to consciously accept his own strong sexual impulses These impulses manifest in the dream as an uncontrollable fate which dominates the situation In the grip of this uncontrollable fate Grace Murray is executed taken from him But of course is the one really being executed: He is himself the central dynamic of the dream The impulse-driven part of him is what is "turned black." A similar confusion surrounds 's later to Molly Vazeille Not only is the exact date of their uncertain (It was reported as the 18th or 19th of February by different sources) but despite years of investigation by scholars no one has been able to turn up any record of its having in fact taken place (Pollock 1989 ) The assumption is of course that must have been married somewhere by someone but where by whom? One may propose theories explanations to account for this important missing information about a man who on several occasions admonished his Methodist preachers to be sure to make their plans public But the fact remains that the question of whether was really married is raised in two different instances with two different women that mystery seems to mirror his central ambivalence about In his intrapsychic drama himself was given to punishing women by seductively promising intimacy then failing to fulfill that promise except in a sublimated ethereal or spiritual form A number of 's relationships with women particularly with women for whom he was acting as a spiritual adviser are dominated by this behavior which is historically how his mother treated him.^ Such a passive-aggressive stance appears for example in many of his letters to women To take one instance often repeated in the biographies during a three-month period which ended on the day 's wife Molly left him vowing never to return wrote Sarah Ryan the matron of Kingswood School a devotee with a notoriously salacious past letters containing the following passages: Susanna's tutelage formed the young Jackie into an intensely superego- dominated adult who as Fowler has remarked was "likely to be carrying a considerable fund of unconscious anger." (Fowler 1985) Susanna wrote that by one year of age the children "were taught to fear the rod to cry softly," she advised that the first thing to do with children was to "conquer their will." (Harmon 1968 Stone 1979) Since dramatic expressions of anger or frustration were not permitted for children in the household one of the modalities for coping with anger may have been to unconsciously repress the unacceptable feelings through passivity particularly with regard to the mother This is replayed in 's dream of sting helplessly by while Grace Murray is being executed. Загрузка The final part of the Last Love document largely consists of 's accusations against Charles for the plot to take Grace from him The Coda to the manuscript is a poem about the episode which wrote several days after he left Grace with Bennet This versified formalized lament already shows him getting distance on the affair disguising it again with spirituality Implications of the Grace Murray Affair For 's to Molly Vazeille Green R (1903) Grace Murray an Methodist Magazine 126 431-436 Green V H H (1964) London: Thomas Nelson Sons Ltd Harmon R L (1968) Susanna: Mother of the s Nashville: Abington Heitzenrater R D (1984) The Elusive Mr Nashville: Abington Jay E (1987) The Journal of A Selection Oxford: Oxford University Press Kohut T A (1986) Psychohistory as History American Historical Review 91(2) Leger A (1910) 's Last Love London: J.M Dent & Sons Ltd Lelèvre M (1900) : A Portrait London: Charles H Kelly Lipsky A (1928) : A Portrait New York: Simon & Schuster Maser F E (1979) Second Thoughts on The Drew Gateway 29(2), In order to elucidate 's conflictual psychodynamics with regard to women we will focus in the next pages on an analysis of the primary contemporary document which recounts the Grace Murray episode in particular we will use as our eventual deep probe into 's unconscious conflictual processes a dream which himself recorded in this document The Unguarded No one in the eighteenth century published such detailed journals yet revealed so little about his interior feelings as (Jay 1987) In all his mass of writing it is difficult to catch a glimpse of the unguarded For the most part when he wrote he seemed acutely aware of how his words could affect his image as preacher to a world parish. Загрузка Обработка Загрузка плейлистов You say you have but little time to stay in the world therefore should not have much affection for anything in it Most true! not any of those things which perish with the world But am I one of those? If you think I am 'sick unto death,' love me the more you will the more fervently pray for me that I may be healed If you rather incline to think there is hope of my recovery then what if you are to leave the world in a little time? Whom God hath joined can Death put asunder? (Baker 1980) He signs this letter-reversing the order of terms in deference to his mother's coolness in defiance against it-"Your dutiful affectionate Son." (Maser 1979) Nineteen ninety marks the two-hundreth anniversary of the death of towering religious figure of eighteenth century Engl-the founder of Methodism As is fitting for a character of 's importance the accumulated scholarly literature on his life work is enormous It contains a very noticeable gap however in that relatively little has been written about his psychodynamics Psychological questions about hover at the outskirts of many of the discussions of his theology his historical mission but the biographical literature shows very few attempts at a psychodynamic portrait of the man behind the ideas events of the Methodist movement (Moore 1979; Fowler 1985) In its style of denial dissociation the dream is curiously similar to Grace Murray's dream about the death of her husb In her dream Grace sees her husb dead after experiencing images of a sexual/spiritual encounter 's own sexual/spiritual conflict is expressed in the dream-death of Grace This similarity (which seems hardly coincidental) suggests that was drawn to Grace because he unconsciously saw or projected in her a similar way of defending himself against unholy desire inordinate affections-by killing it off At another level the dream is a way of punishing Grace as he was not able to punish his mother for having implicitly promised him (as his mother did) an emotional closeness which was never achieved (Maser 1979). The letters are a mixed message to say the least They are simultaneously seductive distancing They portend a physical connection then spirit the physical aspect away But as a psychologically seductive punishment mirror of the kind of treatment himself received as a child the mixed message is a clear message Recall that had allowed letters such as these to be found by his wife; they were the immediate reason given by Molly for her departure (McConnell 1939) A psychodynamic view of 's motives suggests that contrary to the historical judgment on her Molly's jealousy had some justification was not merely the product of her purportedly deranged mind. We consider the sequence of events three years later with Mrs Vazeille: 1) On February 2 1751 he writes in his journal that he thinks he should marry because he would be "more useful"-meaning useful to the Methodist movement though it is not at all clear in what way that would be useful Perhaps the word had another more deeply significant meaning for Perhaps for example he unconsciously felt it would be useful to the Methodist cause for him to marry because it would resolve the conflict that plagued him made him "sick unto death." Of course the problem was that his desire to marry was itself at the very center of this conflict. Загрузка Загрузка Загрузка At this point in 's unconscious anxiety over the fate of his love affair (now in the hs of his brother) the emotionality so seemingly uncharacteristic of but surging throughout the Last Love manuscript reaches new dimensions He feels his "Heart sinking in me like a stone Only so long as I was preaching I felt ease." (Leger p 84) "In ye Evening my Heaviness return'd but wth much of ye Spirit of Prayer It seem'd to me that I ought not to linger here; & yet I knew not whither to go."(Leger p 85) prays as he often did for a vision at this juncture he has (that is awakens remembering) a dream Before discussing the dream it is useful to note that maintained a long interest in dreams paranormal occurrences developed a relatively sophisticated appreciation of their etiology.* On Grace's part the story seems a seductive attempt to convince that as her spiritual mentor he could replace the husb she was so physically attracted to perhaps also an attempt to put on notice about her strong sexual needs On 's part re-telling her story seems an effort to convince himself that he is winning in his fantasized competition with her dead husb Sexuality spirituality are dramatically intertwined in the narrative as Grace recalls (or so reports) her feelings in the period after her husb was press-ganged shipped out to Virginia. The morning after he composed the balance sheet for his romance rode off to preach at Hindley Hill (Leger p 79) He describes feeling weak with the flux yet he avers that he is feeling better He loses his way in a "thick mist So that I cd see no Road nor anything else." The mist clears "so I imagin'd all ye Danger was past," but then the fog descends again "I quickly lost my way." In his psychoanalytic study of Beethoven Maynard Solomon suggests that descriptions of physical journeys made during times of great stress may sometimes provide keen insight into psychological journeys (Solomon 1980) 's portrait of his ride to Hindley Hill seems reflective of the state of his intrapsychic conflict. Saw the dream as a parenthesis in the grammatical sentence of life he sought to keep this troubled dream of a parenthesis in his work as a religious leader Possibly to some vital extent 's conflicted longing for marital intimacy- for all that it might repair from his past-contributed to the development of his faith as it matured from the childhood faith he learned under Susanna's tutelage His theology has been called "revolutionary for his own time with its daring description of address to the emotions which he himself never fully achieved" (Rack 1989) "But it still partakes deeply of the Enlightenment's over trust in words reason." (Fowler 1985) In the light of what we have posited in this paper these descriptions are intriguing A comparison to Beethoven may once gain prove fruitful. The following study is an effort to close a small part of that gap by focusing on an especially puzzling facet of 's personality his relationships to women Generations of biographers have rehearsed the curious facts of these relationships responded with varying degrees of scholarly distress rationalization at the spectacle of 's odd judgment behavior regarding affairs of the heart (Lipsky 1928; Southey 1820; Tyerman 1872; Winchester 1922; Lelièvre 1900; Schmidt 1962) Three of these affairs st out especially though there are others: Second psychohistory psychobiography no less than history biography involve speculation upon sources data which are constantly being exped revised reconstructed (Kohut 1986 Pois,1990) What we have proposed therefore is not intended by any means to be taken as a finished or whole view of 's psychodynamics We present rather a story based upon the data as we currently have them-a story which we hope brings additional perspective depth to 's life We take as a premise that many dimensions of our own lives as we live them are opaque to our conscious understing; how much more so the life of a highly significant historical person That was infinitely more complex than this picture or any picture of him should go without saying Indeed his complexity multi-dimensionality make him of continuing interest   REFERENCES About yt time I was one Night just laid down when I felt a weight upon my Feet I thought ye Cat had come upon me & strove to push her off Presently I felt it rising higher & higher by my side till it seem'd to lie by me at ye full length of a Man I felt an Awe but no fear praying continually knowing I was in ye hs of GOD After a few Minutes it roll'd off & fell upon ye Ground I fell asleep & dream'd I saw my Husb lying in his Coffin (Leger. 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Items 9 12 16 repeat in different forms a theme which seems to be at least as important as knowledge piety: 9 A woman should be "able & willing to keep me" ('s emphasis) This item is elaborated in 12 where says "I was next tho' very unwillingly convinc'd That there might be such a Case as Dr Koker's: who often declared He was never so free from Care as since his with one who was both able & willing to bear that Care for him." In item 16 desires from a wife that she be "a Nurse," "indefatigably patient & inexpressibly tender." In these three items seems to be describing more a mother than a wife even by eighteenth century stards. Обработка The paragraph following his reported dream presents an unmistakable if unconscious pun which underlines the sexual oedipal nature of the conflict which the dream the situation that produced it had for He says he prayed "We had free Access to ye Throne of Grace & I found my Will more resign'd." (emphasis added) (Leger p 86) A paragraph later he reports that he has learned that Grace has married Bennet with Charles's complicity In the next paragraph he indicates that after a tormented feverish evening the tumult of his ambivalence now momentarily resolved he fell into a "sudden sound & quiet sleep." He was indeed relieved that it was over the conflict once again put aside buried by the act of dissociation. Another quite ironic reading is possible for 's notion that would provide him with a "continual Defence" against his unconquered desires Molly Vazeille's jealousy which made so unhappy had the effect of putting him continually on the defensive about his flirtations with other women In other words his externalized his superego We feel that unconsciously cast his future wife in the role of the jealous woman so that the constant lash of her jealousy could keep him from going too far with his libidinous desires If so then Molly Vazeille was at least as much a victim as she was a victimizer for the thirty years of their dysfunctional Maser F E (1988) The Story of 's Sisters Rutl.: Academy Books Maser F E (Oct 1977) 's Only Methodist History 33 McConnell F J (1939) New York: Abington Press Moore R L (1979) Authority: A Psychological Perspective Missoula: Scholars Press Pois R A (Winter 1990) The Case for Clinical Training Challenge to Psychohistory The Psychohistory Review 18(2) Pollock J (1989) London: Hodder Stoughton Porterfield A (1989) Beames of Wrathe Brides of Christ: Anger Female Piety in Puritan New Engl The Connecticut Review 11(2) Rack H (1989) Reasonable Enthusiast the Rise of Methodism London: Epworth Press Schmidt M (1953) : A Theological Biography Zurich: Throughout the Last Love manuscript 's interior confusion is intense almost unbearable Under the surface of the narrative 's thwarted longing for emotional acceptance intimacy with his mother (as was suggested by the Oxford letters) contends with the conceptual aloofness of his superego producing a powerful dreamlike fantasy which envelops his behavior His conflict seems to be exacerbated by an activated struggle for an envied closeness with his mother. The Last Love MS-Third Section The next section of the Last Love manuscript returns to a chronological report of events was evidently written subsequent to the events says that after he Grace renewed their contract he informed Bennet of this by letter sent a copy of the letter to Charles Charles exploded with anxiety His stated reasons for his concern had to do with Grace's social status but he quite probably saw his own home life threatened settled into might be less likely to travel; more of the burden for the itinerant ministry of the Methodist evangelicals would fall on his younger brother The evidence suggests that Charles never wanted to devote his whole life to the movement as his brother did Charles centered his activities in Bristol largely devoted himself to his children's musical training; he wasn't keen to travel. Загрузка Смотрите видео на YouTube без рекламы Обработка 2) On February 4 1751 he preaches to the unmarried Methodist field preachers that it is a gift to "remain single for the Kingdom of heaven's sake." However in the Feb 2 1751 entry of his journal he states that "a particular case might be an exception to the rule." (Curnock 1909-1916) Presumably he was referring to himself as the exception. The repetition of details in the pattern of 's behavior in the two situations suggests a form of repetition compulsion or repetitive dream In most other matters in his life is the model of Methodism-a person given to intense rational moral scrutiny of all matters conscious of his every thought methodical But in these intimate contexts with women something different happens to him seems overwhelmed by a kind of altered state of consciousness in which actions situations attain a bizarre "slipping," slippery disconnected quality The Last Love manuscript abundantly illustrates this dreamlike state For example several times quotes Grace Murray as saying that what is going on between them is "like a dream." 's attention to this his reiteration of it suggests it is how he felt about what was transpiring between them. The large central portion of the Last Love manuscript was composed sometime in September 1748 later grafted into the material This portion was written while events were taking place at the moment when it looked to as if his match with Grace would go forward The narrative in his section is purportedly a verbatim transcription made by of what Grace told him about her life In this account Murray describes herself as a woman in continual conflict between an inordinately affectionate attachment to her sailor-husb a desire to detach herself from those passions attain spiritual salvation Why did she tell these things why did he so meticulously record them? Загрузка Загрузка

Who is really being referred to when says "One cannot excuse her {Grace Murray's} Behavior in all this time: Doubtless she shd have renounc'd One for y Other But those who know Human Nature will pity her much at least as much as they blame her." (Leger p 4) Later opines referring to the contest between himself Bennet: "If each insist on his Claim it will be cutting her in sunder She can never survive it; She will die in ye Contest So I determin'd to give her up." (Leger p 7) Might these statements be 's plea to rationalize beg mercy for what is taking place in his own unconscious? Is he being psychologically cut asunder by the competing claims of his need to remain aloof from Grace his desire to become intimately involved with her By appealing to "human nature," is asking that he be held blameless for failing to resolve his conflict about marrying Grace? 3) On Febru he "slips" on London Bridge coming home from a meeting of the Holy Club at Oxford Significantly he has just tendered his resignation from the club of friends who had as students pledged not to marry but to be eunuches for God After the accident he apparently is first taken to his parsonage at The Foundery but is then transported to Molly's house on Threadneedle Street where he slips quickly into a proposal is married on February 18 or 19 We suggest that 's physical "slip" on London Bridge the quick slip into that follows bear a connection to his curious mental state of "sliding I know not how" three years earlier into his proposal to Grace Murray Mental physical slipping sliding in these circumstances seem to be a signal that something has happened against 's conscious will or intention something has slipped out. Grace's 's accounts of his proposal appear irreconcilable It is one example of a mystification that exists as a pattern in the record of 's intimate affairs with women Some other examples: In the Last Love manuscript affirms several times but not at all consistently that he Grace were contracted in to each other Frank Baker has argued that under British common law in force at the time they must have been in fact married if they made-as asserts they did-a de praesenti contract that had good reason to know this was the case yet he never asserted this contract against Bennet's claim Maser has argued against this theory however (Baker 1967; Maser 1977) Were they or were they not contracted to marry? Were they or were they not married? Загрузка We will close with two caveats First clearly lived with his conflict regarding women it did not diminish his ability to make an enormous contribution to his century Engl's religious life Thus could not be said to have suffered from a disabling psychopathology He was profoundly troubled about the question of authentic intimacy with women perhaps in some way this conflict contributed to the compassion spiritual concern he showed toward others throughout. You have refreshed my bowels in the Lord I not only excuse but love your simplicity; whatever freedom you use it will be welcome ( ) I can hardly avoid trembling for you still What can I do to help you? () The conversing with you either by speaking or writing is an unspeakable blessing to me I cannot think of you without thinking of God () (Gill 1956) The documentary history of the Last Love manuscript has some relevance to our inquiry into the psychodynamics of 's dream of The manuscript was given to the British Library (then Museum) on May 9 1829 about seventy-five years after it was written The story goes that Molly's son Noah Vazeille kept it in his possession having first shown it to some of 's doctrinal enemies Noah his mother had allegedly stolen the manuscript from a drawer in 's bedroom several years after her to had gone sour The manuscript appears in the hwriting of an amanuensis but there are several corrections by The first 19 stanzas of the poem which forms the coda of the document are also in his h No one has disputed that authored the Last Love manuscript (Leger 1910) Yet surrounding the manuscript are a number of questions. There is also a strong quality in the dream of mourning loss-'s loss of Grace Murray his grief over the lost opportunity to find the maternal nurturing he wanted So anger resignation pervade the dream Why is angry? The immediate target of anger is of course Grace Murray She is jilting him for Bennet; she has departed with 's brother Charles so has aboned But 's anger goes deeper. Solomon has shown that Beethoven's unresolved ambivalence over marrying-which in his case involved an attraction to having a family an aversion to having one-was rooted in the composer's experience with his parents that it fueled the development of his magnificent music Beethoven saw his successes in marrying himself to his art as a compensation for his failure to marry a woman Something like this psychodynamic may have been at work in But the broader nature of the connection between what we've described in this paper 's evangelical mission remains to be explored. (1) The Sophy Hopkey episode during 's 1737 mission to Georgia resulting in his sudden departure from the New World-"The hour has come for me to fly for my life leaving this place." (Tyerman 1872) was enamoured of Hopkey was brought up on charges before a magistrate for being too severe in his pastoral requirements of her after she had decided to marry someone else (2) The Grace Murray affair in 1749 when betrothed himself to a woman who jilted him for one of his preachers because she believed that didn't really want her (3) 's precipitous dysfunctional to Mary (Molly) Vazeille a widow of Threadneedle Street. It seems likely that this conflict between feeling special feeling ordinary or even unloved had an immediate childhood source in the the way of his mother treated him with a measured emotional distance Frederick Maser for one believes that Susanna raised in the children a desire to be loved because in fact the household lacked real love beyond conventional ties According to Maser Susanna withheld affectionate love both from his siblings (Maser 1988) The Last Love Manuscript-Background While it seems reasonable to regard the Grace Murray dream as an unguarded production (in its detail it has the authenticity of reported dreams) the degree of unguardedness of the Last Love document which contains it is more difficult to assess At the very least however this document supplies us with something we usually don't have in the dream accounts of historical persons: the so-called "day residue" from which the dream emerged drew some of its substance Few recorded dreams of historical figures such as contain the kind of dream-sensual detail we come to expect of dreams reported to a psychoanalyst More rarely are historical dreams surrounded by good information about what specifically was going on at that immediate period in the historical figure's life In the Last Love material we have a unique opportunity to place a two hundred forty-year-old dream in its context. In the third paragraph of the Last Love manuscript Grace seem to be blissfully in love "Rejoicing" at his happiness he leaves her in the care of Bennet so that he can continue his preaching engagements but in the next paragraph we learn he has received a letter from Bennet saying that Bennet wants 's consent to marry Grace Incredibly reports in the Last Love manuscript that this sort of on-again off-again between Grace Bennet happens several times Reading the manuscript one is led to the conclusion that either Grace is an overtly unstable quixotic person-quite different from the pious capable woman others paint her to have been-or that has totally missed the meaning of Grace's apparently fluctuating emotional attitudes Richard Green has suggested the latter. Interpreted this dream as the sign he had prayed for-an indication that his affair with Grace Murray was over Possibly at some flickering level of consciousness he was aware that this dream the Last Love manuscript itself exposed his "passions of mind" left an ambivalently public-yet-private testimony to a conflict which had haunted him since childhood What were those passions of the mind as revealed in the dream? Two qualities in the dream st out: -Anger fear of anger The power of 's anger his fear of that power appear in the dream as the execution itself the vivid detail of seeing Grace Murray's "face turn black." -Passivity This is present in Grace's apparent willingness to die-"stirring neither h nor foot- in the 's not intervening to stop the execution. Загрузка 's ambivalence probably had a childhood origin We know that his mother Susanna resolved as she put it to be "more particularly careful for the soul of this child which God had so mercifully provided for." (Ayling 1979; Maser 1979) came to refer to himself as the "br plucked from the burning," an allusion to the incident when as a small child he was "mercifully provided for," in his mother 's words by being rescued from the fire in his father's rectory The Last Love document makes clear that experienced a conflict between his image of himself as an especially destined religious leader like St Paul as an ordinary man. Обработка

Mat Errington dream'd the House itself was all in flames (& most certainly it was) Another Dreamer went a Step farther & saw Mr W{esley} in hell-fire Jane Keith was preemptory 'Jno W is a child of ye Devil.' (Leger p 95) In 's construction of the scene his brother has become his unexpected enemy has turned reality including 's fellow preachers into a dream The dream he has turned them into speaks in voices of 's unconscious guilt over his desire for Grace Murray Charles becomes the avenging spoiling superego the authority with which he must do battle The Last Love MS-Second Section The Dream Its Significance According to the Last Love manuscript the dream occurred the same night prayed for a vision that would foretell the outcome of his relationship with Grace Murray   I dream'd I saw a Man bring out G.M who told her she was condemn'd to die: that all things were now in readiness for the Execution of that Sentence She spoke not one word or shew'd any Reluctance but walk'd up with him to ye place The Sentence was executed without her stirring either h or foot I look'd at her till I saw her face turn black Then I cd not bear it but went away But I return'd quickly & desir'd she might be cut down She was then laid upon a bed I sat by mourning over her She came to herself & began to speak & I awaked (Leger. In the sickbed 's overpowering superego was tamed-but it was hardly stilled In fact the situation precipitates expression of his powerful ambivalence about the possibility value for him of a truly intimate relationship The manner of 's proposal to Grace Murray is suggestive of his conflict illustrates the unconscious way that his ambivalence affects him He says that "when I was a little recover'd I told her (Grace) sliding into it I know not how 'If ever I marry I think you will be ye person.'" (Leger p 1) The parallel of this situation with the later situation when he startled the Methodist community by marrying Molly Vazeille is striking With Grace the sequence of events is this: 1) he writes against 2) he is convinced by others at the Methodist Conference that he could marry 3) he falls ill is nursed by a woman to whom he proposes Charles' objections caused to ask himself whether he was being blinded by love To answer the doubts objections made one of his characteristic lists This list-written down at the time either transcribed for the Last Love manuscript or reconstructed for it-compulsively itemizes the pros cons of marrying Grace Murray Though the list is deserving of a separate analysis here we need consider only a few items In item 1 explicitly alludes to the oedipal nature of his dilemma by reporting that he used to think he would never marry "Because I shd never find such a Woman as my Father had." In item 8 he answers this doubt by allowing that he has in fact found a few women who were his mother's equal in "Knowledge & Piety," Grace Murray being one of these (Leger.